Sunday, February 24, 2008

life has been the usual, with nothing much going on. at work, it's been even slacker than usual, cause we've some overseas customers coming in, so there's not much for me to do. but climbing up and down the ladder to get samples is a tiring thing.

watched fool's gold and ate new york new york this past week. went to the gym for the first time in 2 years? haha and nearly fainted, literally. head was spinning and felt so miserable. i shall strive to get more rest before exercising again. and also not exercise too much. boo

doing logbook entries at the moment, though dreaming of the holiday in july seems so much enjoyable. =p

shall be missing in action quite often now, there's also nothing much to post or comment on.

Monday, February 18, 2008

那天,被推开的那瞬间,心受伤了。 质疑一切的意义何在,怀疑一切的真实性。对自己说,不要傻,干嘛不清醒一点。现实既然不和期望符合,就该学会不让自己期待。 为了不要伤痛,让我想要把心藏起来,再继续假装若无其事,伤痛就会随着时间变淡。

高估了自己的演技,根本无法若无其事。在淌泪的心,连强颜欢笑的力气都没有。 付出的真心要防卫起来,我其实做不到。说我人在,心不在,你说对了。但你说的另外一句话,却说错了。如果真是那样,我就不会那么痛了。

原来心碎是有声音的,而听到那声音时,我发现了我伤了你。自己的心顾不了伤痛,只想安慰你。也霎那间了解,你的真心。
had a busy weekend that makes going back to work so much harder.

met gen on Sat afternoon for lunch and coffee, and also to give her her belated present. glad she likes it. =) as usual, the hours flew quickly whenever we talk about the things happening to us. it's mostly talk about the future, which is beginning to have everyone worried and planning. the happy part of it is the planning a graduation trip, the worrying part would be finding a job. so much lies ahead of us, and so vastly different.

then met the 2b people for steamboat dinner and dessert at bugis. and as usual, they were late, which i already expected. kind of disappointed that some people couldn't come, but was glad to see baoying and fujuan for the first CNY gathering ever. maybe it's cause the past few gatherings were in the first week of cny when they had no time. but it's nice just sitting there eating and talking rubbish. those boys always make me laugh.

the only thing i regretted on sat was that i brought a camera but didn't take any photos. wonder when we can meet again.

sunday went to visit llb, quite a short one. at least no major awkwardness, thank god. woke up so damn early to go 85 eat cheaterbug ba chor mee. haha but the alternative would be even scarier.
then i went yum cha, then attempted to finish watching my X family, which i've finally completed today. but last night had a bad dream that caused me to sleep poorly.

logbook entries not done yet, oh god!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

happy valentine's day, or as mango says it, it's single awareness day, lol

to add on to my lame entry, i shall tell you about a nice movie i watched! it's a film called the kiterunner, and it's about two boys who spent their childhood together. they both loved to fly kites, and were very close to each other. but one day, one of the boys turned his back on his friend, even though his friend went through something horrible for the honour of their friendship. years later, when he found out that that friend was actually his brother, and who was now dead, he went back to taliban-ruled kabul to find his nephew. and he finally could repent his ways and came full circle to understanding love. a nice touching movie!

in a jodi picoult book titled 'the pact', i read how a boy and girl grew to love each other from childhood, and their love blossomed into something so lasting that the guy shot the girl cause she wanted her misery to end. the words that described their love was so touching, it made me hope that i would one day find that kind of love, a love that sustains. when every memory and every thought you have is somehow related to that one person. a touch can make you feel right at home where you belong, when you look at that person, and want to go through everything together.

the pact also asks the question of whether a parent can ever know their child? even though parents were the one to have taught the child almost everything, and spent each moment guarding their precious child, somehow the child always grows up too fast. he forms a world of his own with other people in them, and he spends less and less time at home. so the parents can only trust their heart to believe in the character of their child remains steadfast and good. the parents learn to let their child go, because they love him, and want him to be happy, even though they are afraid he'll be hurt and do something wrong. but they love him, so they learn to let him go.

different kinds of love, but equally touching.

Monday, February 11, 2008

oh ya, and my ma says i very gor tak. meaning i am too set in my ways until i very uncute. but i don't care la, i am very easily irritated by loud noises, and have made up my mind that there's not really much need to pretend to like people i actually don't want to spend time with
the one you love the most may not be the one you spend your life with. but that is not important, having loved so much once is already enough.

but of course, try to love and hold on la!

my cny was normal.. won money both at mahjong and at blackjack.. haha HUAT AH! and my next three weekends are packed. kinda mad to put so much in, but hopefully it'll work out. i really try my best.

a bit sian going back to work after 4 days, but it wasn't that bad =) though there's no more holidays till mar 21!

Saturday, February 09, 2008

in this festive season, there is something unhappy bugging me. as though two ends are pulling me apart, but not the two ends i'm used to. instead, i find that i can't join for gatherings that i would have loved to go. and somehow, in the silence following my rejection, i hear reproaches and grumbles. i'm sad, not because i chose one over the other, i didn't. this time i wasn't free cause arrangements had been earlier to receiving your sms. but combined with the previous times i was unable to go, i feel like i'm slowly being excluded from your activities, and i feel your disappointment, so i feel sad. sad that in your eyes, being with one excludes me from the other, that you cant accept one another, that there are conflicts with my free time. don't know how to explain that i could meet you if much advance warning was given so i can reschedule my time for all.

rejecting from the start is such a saddening thing to do, but to attempt to relieve the stressful tension is something i am too cowardly to face. i wonder what will happen in the future, both are important to me, and i don't wish for continual unfriendliness. perhaps there is nothing i can change, as temperaments and characters that are vastly different have already dictated the ending.

Friday, February 08, 2008

have spent 2 leisurely days of new year, gorging myself silly on delicacies. collecting angbaos are fun, but for some mad reason, my aunt tells me i should get married soon, since past 21 years old le. haha

tomorrow my brother's friends are bringing food over for their steamboat, while my parents will be out watching a concert at chinatown. meanwhile, i shall attempt to fill up my log book with 'relevant, concise and technical details about my training'. kill me please.

enjoy the remaining 2 days before going back to work/school!

Thursday, February 07, 2008

not really very enthusiastic towards CNY this year. but still did my spring cleaning, surpassing myself by cleaning one of 2 toilets. haha and my mother surpassed herself in decorating the house. i don't believe i ever saw so much red in and out of the house, but it does create a very festive mood. =)

food wise though, we've bought less, and tried not to go for too expensive foods. not going to do much entertaining, so actually, simple is good.

got a new altar and a new sofa, and threw out quite a lot of clothes and clutter. so all in all, it's quite a promising start to a new year!

happy new year everyone! hope you have lots of happiness and good health! =)

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

no matter how nonchalantly i mention it , i could never bear it if it were really to happen. having given my heart and soul, it's not so easy to just take back as and when i feel like it.

even though at times, when the fatigue overwhelms me, i really do feel like tasting freedom again. to have time for myself, spontaneous gatherings with friends, cooping at home with my family, these are some things i lost along the way. but i know gains come with losses, and this is a choice i made, so i will find the strength within me to try to structure my life the way i want.

temporarily tired. do not disturb.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

a friend said: no one is indispensable, even in love. how true.

haven't you used the word 'forever' frivolously before, and told yourself you'll only love one person. but then the feeling fades, or someone new enters the picture, and then you lose sight of that love you said you wanted to hold on to.

or you once had your heart broken, and believed that no one else could replace the ex. yet one day, your heart feels alive again for someone else.

the human heart is fragile, and feelings of love is untangible, which makes me really envy those who hold the same hand for decades.